And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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