Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
