so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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