i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
