Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
