I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
