Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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