She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can't special order awesome
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
