in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I would ride that face into the sunset
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
