I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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