Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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