I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
