rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
