Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
