the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
