No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
