nut hugger
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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