It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
