She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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