my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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