When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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