I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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