Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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