Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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