I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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