You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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