Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
