96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everything about him screamed your future.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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