I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
