Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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