Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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