So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how does that bad decision feel?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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