and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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