The maid of honor just puked.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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