i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
