I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
