would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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