is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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