wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
