Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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