Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
