my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
