life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
