i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A bitchslap is in order.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
