so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize