so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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