Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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