Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
