I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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