This is not my ceiling
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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