I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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