Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
