I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
