Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
