In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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