I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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