So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
