I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
