When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
