You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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