I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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