make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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