Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
