im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
