He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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