Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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