1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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