You can't special order awesome
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
