everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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