Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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