D3 body, D1 cock
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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