i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
