It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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