Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
