know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
