let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
